Hello my crunchy taquitos! It’s been 84 years since you’ve heard from me. I have a perfectly good excuse: I was abducted by aliens and have been in their spaceship but they dropped me off because I kept bugging them about tacos. Honest to Bob. Just don’t ask Bob.

The Defenders. Omigodguise. We have been not-so-patiently waiting for this mini-series forEVER and we finally got it this past Friday. It was worth the wait. At only 8 episodes it really does live up to the name of a mini-series. Was I disappointed that it wasn’t the usual 13 episodes? Yeah, a little but it’s only because I’m greedy and can’t have nice things without wanting more.

I’m going to make this as spoiler-free as possible because you need to experience it yourself, and I like you. I never spoil things for people I like.

The first two episodes catches us up to our four heroes. Luke just got out of prison, Foggy (I love Foggy so much) was there to officially let him out with his fancy suit and haircut. Jessica is marinating in hard liquor and avoiding any cases and people. Matt is kicking ass in the courtroom doing pro bono work and missing being the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen. Danny is flying back to New York with Colleen, not going to lie I didn’t watch the Iron Fist show so I’m not sure where he was flying from.

The first two episodes are our heroes picking bits and pieces that will only start to make sense once they come together. It’s a puzzle. A beautiful, foul-mouthed, alcoholic, self-sacrificial, humble pie, ass kicking puzzle. They meet each other in episode 4 where they serendipitously end up in the same place at the same time. There’s an AMAZING hallway fight that gives me tingles in all the places just thinking about it. Major kudos to the stunt team/director/choreographers. Sweet Christmas wrapped in red leather, it was beautiful (and no, I’m not just talking about Charlie Cox’s butt).

Can I just take a minute to fangirl about the cinematography of the second episode??? That shit was art. That’s the type of stuff that makes me get a sugar daddy so he can pay for me to go to film school. The colors! The transitions from one scene to another! I just askdfhag.

The interactions within the team are hilarious. Jess can’t take Matt and Danny seriously. Especially Danny, with his chi and glowing fist. Actually, Luke and Matt don’t take Danny seriously either.  I want Jess and Matt to work together again because their banter is the best. It’s very similar to that of siblings. They are so reluctant to work together it’s endearing, like kids in the playground being forced to play nice because the teacher is watching. If the teacher was an ancient organization called The Hand hellbent on destroying New York for their own nefarious plans. Maybe that wasn’t the best analogy but you catch my drift. They don’t trust each other but are forced to build relationships in light of the circumstances. I was worried that having such diverse characters was going to make them act OOC (out of character) but I was pleasantly surprised. Everyone kept their personality and didn’t disappoint at all.

The baddies aka The Hand. The five members were all scary mofos that I would not want to cross. My girl Sigourney Weaver is their leader and she deserved better. I am kind of mad at that. The writers could have done better. It wasn’t a plot twist. It was lazy writing. #ForeverSalty.

We get some closure between Jess and Luke after leaving things the way they did at the end of Jessica Jones. I didn’t realize how much I needed that until it was happening. I wish Trish and Malcolm had more screen time because I have a soft spot for them. It has to be exhausting to be besties with someone that doesn’t want their help. Misty is a BAMF and I can’t wait to see how her arc turns out in season 2 of Luke Cage. Claire and Luke as so cute and sweet that I got a cavity.  Matt… we are left in a cliffhanger with him and I’m glad we’re getting a third season because that is mah boo and I need to know what happens! I don’t know what’s going to happen to Danny and I don’t think I’m going to watch the first season. There just wasn’t enough for me to care about him and Colleen.

Guys. Guys. Watch it. It’s only 8 episodes. It’s action-packed. The story is solid without compromising anyone’s character. The music is banging. The intro is too. Daredevil is still my favorite but Luke Cage has the best music. All four shows are set to come back for their continuing seasons 2018 so now we have to wait until then. Boo. But if you stick through the end credits of the very last episode you get to watch 10 extra seconds of the Punisher. I have no idea when that’s airing. Go watch The Defenders. Get back at me so we can fangirl/boy together.

Until next time. This is Mon, over and out.